Hi everyone, and I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas!
This year was the same old for me, eating too much, drinking too much, and arguing with my family about the order of importance of Quality Street. Isn’t Christmas wonderful?
So, now it’s 2019 and although I spent the countdown with my head down a toilet I have some resolutions and I’m ready to STICK to them.
Some things won’t change (I shall remain a sarcastic fuck), but even I could do with some self-improvement. I can plan to lose weight, get a boyfriend, delete social media (lol) and regain my independence. Haven’t quite figured how to do that last one yet though, maybe joining a club? Maybe taking myself out once a week? I mean, does anyone do anything on their own these days? Normally I stick to my friends like glue and won’t order from a takeaway without going bright red and stuttering! (Thank God for Just Eat).
It is now January 4th and I am 4 days in to the new me. I’m down to a size 6, my new gorgeous boyfriend is threatening to propose next week with a £4k ring and I’ve taken myself out for dinner.
(That might not be 100% true, but I have deleted social media so I’m getting there. No more Instagram, Facebook or Snapchat. Sorry to my avid followers.) Is this where I admit I just cannot delete Twitter?
So far I’m doing OK, considering I would spend an average of 5 hours 19 minutes on my phone PER DAY (Thanks Apple) I just can’t believe I’m still alive and kicking.
The benefits of this have been pretty tasty though. I’ve watched 2 films all the way through without checking my phone, I’ve made it out of bed on time every morning with time to spare to put my face on (no more rocking up super late for work looking like the devil’s arse). I can see this social media detox lasting.
Whilst I may wish the other resolutions could have such an instant effect, that is not the way the world works unfortunately. So in order to get to a size 6 I might just have to get off my arse.
I have booked myself to go to a range of talks though on serial killers and unsolved crimes and other macabre shit, and maybe I’ll end up finding a handsome, serial killer lover there?
Honestly though as for the boyfriend situation, I mean you can’t beg it can you?
I have re-downloaded the dating app Bumble, as because of my previous blog about Tinder I do not think I’m going to meet Mr Right on there. So far, bumble is going OK. I am fully aware that I’m a shit replier, and every boy I find attractive thinks I’m fake because I have no social media but fuck it – I have a few matches.
Anyways, I will love you and leave you.