Finding Mr Right – Banker Josh

If you cant be arsed reading click there ^^^^^, and listen to my voice in all its glory.

A little update from Blogger Boy, he actually messaged me again but unfortunately I am far too attached to my new love – Banker Josh.

Banker Josh, unsurprisingly is a banker; clever, fit and funny. The 3 things my mum would like me to bring to family meals.

Anyway Banker Josh and I decided to meet straight from work– why do people want to meet on a work night by the way?

I got up extra early (7am), and strutted to the office in some fresh garms and a full face of makeup and to be honest my colleagues have never seen me look like this. Apart from the Christmas do. But that’s a story for another day.

Anyway, I looked this good so that straight from the 9-5 I could stroll to meet Banker Josh and pretend that I always have my shit together, and I always wear a full face of makeup to work including eyelashes and I am in fact, that fucking organised.

OK, back to the topic in hand – the date. Banker Josh and I decided that meeting in the middle of Manchester Piccadilly in rush hour commute with only a Tinder picture to go from was a really clever move. It wasn’t.

I’ve already pre-warned my friends of my night’s events. They’ve sent me screen shots of his ex-girlfriend and found out his national insurance number just in case he was the stalker we all think we’re meeting on these online dates.

The date was really fun, we went to a market building intown which has being overhauled into a vibrant place to eat and drink. (I really didn’t just get that from google).

First we went to the Gin stand, I can’t fucking stand Gin but I needed alcohol and I needed it quickly. ‘Yeah anything your having….’ Gin and Soda water? The two things I hate most. PERFECT.

We got the Gins and found a seat outside, unlike most places the seating arrangements in this venue are the worst seating arrangementsimaginable for a first date and we shared the table with John an older gentleman that commutes to Manchester from London for work every week. As youcan tell I found out a lot about John, and forgot I was in fact on a date with Banker Josh and not John.

Banker Josh ordered us some pizza, we decided to share and he got more drinks in. I did offer to pay, many times actually but Banker Josh had obviously robbed the bank before he came to meet me or he was deep deep deep into his unarranged overdraft.

He asked a bit about me, what I do for work, what I do for fun, my family and all the usual spiel you projectile vomit onto a date when you first meet them.

I decided this was my best opportunity to tell Banker Josh that my mum and dad were broken up before I was 1, I have siblings in all different families and I mainly sit in my room alone and play The Sims 2. If this isn’t going to win him over, what would?

After this conversation I was in fact 5 drinks deep, I was drinking these Gin and Sodas fast. This obviously gave Banker Josh the impression I was loving them, when in fact I just didn’t want to savour the taste and swallowed them as fast as I pop ibuprofen for my non-existent headaches.

I was fucked, absolutely rat arsed. I’d not ate on my dinner break to avoid being bloated and insisted I was ‘full’ when I had one slice of the pizza so I didn’t look like the greedy gal I normally am.

We decided to go to a bar, it was a short walk away and in the direction of both our homes.

Inside the bar it was pretty empty, I mean it was a Wednesday night I don’t know what I was expecting.

But again, we sat outside.

The weather on this night was shit. Why we decided to sit outside in both places is beyond my knowledge but all I knew is my extensions were starting to frizz and the makeup I applied at 7am was slowly falling off my face. Outside in the dark is where I needed to stay.

We had about 4 more drinks here, and the conversation faded to our past relationships.

Why does that always happen?

Do I tell him I already know all about his ex and that she is in Thailand ‘finding herself’ or do I act like I am in fact not a psychotic bitch and smile and listen to this conversation I know I’m going to hate?

Thankfully, I smiled and listened and got to know all about a girl my friends had already Facebook stalked for me. I got the impression he was still in love, which is a shame but grinned it and enjoyed my time with him.

The bar shut at 11pm, so we wandered to Tesco and decided to buy 2 bottle of rose wine and drink them on his 2 foot balcony at his apartment. Why do I never know when to call it a night?

I quickly drank 1 and a half bottles of wine whilst he had a mere 2 glasses and I ended up staying over.

Now I know what you are thinking? Did we? And no the answer is no, we didn’t.

We had a kiss and a cuddle but to be honest I couldn’t see my feet from my hands so that wasn’t ever going to happen.

In the morning I got my shit together as fast as I could, and ran out of the apartment like my arse was on fire. I uber’d home got ready for work and started my 9-5 all over again. Horrendous.

At 5pm the following night I received a messaged off Banker Josh. It was a huge paragraph about how he has ‘somethings come up that he has to deal with’. Apparently I shouldn’t think he’s ghosting me but he will be on his phone less and will struggle to talk. Interesting.

It probably has something to do with my shit chat, the fact I ran out of his apartment as soon as I opened my eyes, or his undying love for his ex.

But either way, it’s cool.

So that’s the end of him, another one bites the dust is whatthey say.

Let’s catch up soon,

Lizi XX

7 Comments

      1. omg I DIDNT EVEN REALISE THE AUDIO AT FIRST!! I LOVE IT! your accent and narrating just adds to the story HAHA you should put a little message telling people it’s there cause I missed it at first!! Next time I read a post I defo will be listening cause it makes it so much more fun!!

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  1. Banker Josh did not sound like ‘the one’ at least he gave you a sort of excuse for ghosting you! I love reading about your dates, please let us know how the next one goes!

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