The title says it all really, recently one of my best friends won £50,000, and honestly I was fucking jealous. I’m a nosey bitch, and I loveeee knowing what other people would do if random money just dropped into their account. My best friend actually has a note on her phone with all the things she’d do with her £1,000,000 win (she hasn’t got), so I thought I’d write mine in a blog post. I don’t even play the lottery, but if I did and I somehow won (by some kind of fluke) here the things I’d spend that moolah on.
Now I could say give money to charity and what not, and probably that would come into my head but let’s be honest I’m fucking broke so that wouldn’t be the first on my list, because I’m a nasty cow and honestly that’s the truth.
OK, so I’ve woke up and there’s 1 million pounds in my bank.
First I’m paying off my credit card and overdraft, I’m not inundated with debt so it’s not a huge chunk. (£998,000)
I’m giving my best friend Ellie some dosh to do up her house and buy her kids some shit they don’t need. (£993,000)
My mum, she can have a bit too, fuck she funded my life for far too long, let’s give her £30,000. And my dad he can have the same. (£933,000)
My brother Fran would get £10,000 and then Chris, Graham, Quinn and Charlie would get £2,000 each. Don’t know what they could buy with £2,000 but there is their gift. (£915,000)
I’M BUYING A MERC, I need a Merc, every fucker I know has a Mercedes (on finance) but I’m getting one and buying it out right. I don’t know how much they are, let’s say £50,000 because even if it’s a bit less I’ll want it all wrapped in a nice colour and have the seats stitched with my initials. Yes I’m tacky, and no I don’t care. (£865,000)
Having a break from my job for 2 years, a year to focus on my fitness and hire my personal trainer Monday – Friday to complete this. (£840,000).
And a year to travel the world, yes I’m basic, no I won’t back pack, I’m ready for sunsets, rum, private boats and champagne on tap with my friends and family (I’ll pay, because I’m nice), shall I put £100,000 away for this? Because I want some good holidays. Fuck it I have loads left. (£840,000)
Now it’s time to be a bit selfish, because I obviously haven’t been selfish enough already. I’ll get veneers, Botox, lip fillers, boob job and fresh hair extensions every 6 weeks. I might even hire an MUA to live in my house, so they can do my makeup all day every day. I’m sure Kim K has that. (£800,000)
Shit I forgot about a house, or anything else substantial. Where the fuck am I going to live? Well I’m not staying in Fallowfield that’s for sure, although I do love south Manchester. But I’ll be a Cheshire girl, probably. Or realistically (I just looked on RightMove) I won’t be in Cheshire. Fuck it, Fallowfield it is, stick with the devil you know, I’d be able to buy a massive house, have all my kids running about when I’m done with my selfish years. 300K should be enough, even if I have to pay mortgage for a while, that’s sweet build up that credit rating and that. (£540,000)
My mate Ash is watching me write this, she’s asking what she’s getting the cheeky cow. Fuck it, she can have £5000, get on that help to buy scheme they have in Manchester that’ll give her some part of a deposit on a house. I don’t know what more she wants she’s already having a trip to Benidorm with me in my year of travel. (£535,000)
I live with another one of my mates, Aimee, the one that has the note of her million pound spend on her phone. I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned that? She can have £5000 too, just to keep her happy. (£530,000)
Now I have £530,000 left, my ultimate dream would be to have all my family together. Its crazy when your family are all over the world, no one is in the same place at the same time. I’d love to just choose 2 weeks (maybe over Christmas) where my family could come together for a 2 week holiday, with no stress, no money boundaries and no drama. My Grandma and Grandad would fucking love that, and to be honest they are the main reason why that’d be a dream of mine. On my mum’s side, within our close family, I have my Grandma and Grandad, my mum and step dad, 4 uncles, 4 aunties, and 26 cousins. We’d hire a HUGE village, maybe abroad, for the sun. We’d all have a house each, and it’d have a communal kitchen and dining room where we’d eat all our meals and spend all day swimming, eating and drinking. We’d obviously have nannies, cooks and cleaners so no one has to worry about a thing. (Because every little thing is gonna be alright?)
That’d probably be my biggest investment honestly, probably around £130,000, I know that seems excessive, but it’d be everyone’s flights, accommodation, food, and all the day trips we’d do its not that much. AHHHH I really want to win this money, just for this family holiday alone. (£400,000)
And honestly, I THINK that’s it. I wouldn’t tell anybody how much I’ve won apart from my mum, because she’s super good with money. Everyone else, maybe I’d say I won like £400,000 I think a mill would tip them over the edge and maybe they’d all be money hungry monsters around me.
The other £400,000 would be spent on SHITE, like all the other money I seem to have, it just vanishes. So that’s the end of that one. Anyhow, that’s all a dream so I need to get it out my head FAST before I cry myself to sleep that I am in fact -£30 in my account and I got paid last Wednesday.
I’ll love you and leave you, Lizi XX