Do you remember when you were younger, speaking about what you would do if you ruled the world?
My rules were always unachievable; everyone would own a dog, everyone would come to my birthday party, and you were allowed to eat chocolate for breakfast.
They all still sound pretty good, but with the recent general election (yes I’m HALF talking about politics because I don’t know enough to talk fully) I’ve decided what I would do if I became prime minister. I actually spelt it as priminister all the way through this so I have gone back and edited.
Now I don’t need anyone coming to me telling me ‘these wouldn’t be possible’ ‘where will you get the money’ ‘a prime minister can’t do that’ bla bla blah. Because, I am aware, but I am also aware I am never going to be the prime minister so it won’t be an issue.
Now a lot of my ideas aren’t entirely based on the normal UK politics agenda, because it’s me here.
First, I would not live on Downing Street and not even in London. Have you ever seen inside number 10? I can imagine it has a weird smell, and I just cannot cope with the old and miss matched stuff I like IKEA high gloss white, grey fluffy carpets and Laura Ashley wallpaper. I don’t like old rugs that are discolored, dirty curtains that would be too heavy to close, and dark wood furniture. I’d live in a mansion in Manchester, I’d be a right boojee bitch and also have a horse even though I can’t horse ride.
I would keep my childhood dream of ‘everyone would come to my birthday party’ but I would alter it slightly because as the years have gone on spending time with random people just isn’t my thing. I’d have my birthday (1st March) as a bank holiday, and organise a street party for every estate in England and no one would be allowed to drive that day, and everywhere would be shut (even the airport)!
I would then banish Katie Hopkins, I think she’s a massive twat and says things without ever taking into consideration other people’s feelings. Don’t even get me started on the bull shit that is her twitter account, she’s a posh snob that I would send to a deserted island, I would probably put her there with Piers Morgan because he’s a twat too.
Further on with celebrities, Gemma Collins, my glittery hero, I’d force the GC to be my best friend. I do not know how, but I will and it will be fabulous.
Now education, I think more needs to be done with our education system. I work in a university and every September I have at least one student asking me how to use a washing machine, laughable but honestly fucking horrendous that people are not getting this basic knowledge before the age of 18.
We shouldn’t be relying on parents to teach their children these things, from high school in my new education system there will be lessons on USEFUL everyday tasks; how to run a house, how to be self-employed, how to check your tax code, how to drive, what’s a pension etc. I think the young people of today are wasted of the opportunity to learn anything productive and necessary with our current school education system.
I’d 10000% get rid of the TV license and adverts, what a fucking ball ache both of those things are. I once received a letter off the TV license company saying they were coming to my house to inspect ‘as I did not have a TV license’. I didn’t even own a TV, I let them come – it was a fast visit.
I’d then inforce a rule that it is illegal to tell lies if you are in a position of power.
I’d also inforce all care leavers and homeless to be housed in clean and sustainable living sitauations. I would make working a better option for new families and have every family able to do an activity of their choice in their city for free per month for them and their children.
And last but not least, I would put a pink heart in the top right corner of the English flag because I want it jazzing up.
That’s it, that’s all I’ll change. I think.
Love you and leave you,